You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
