Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
