just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
