So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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