"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
look no pants
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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