(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
