I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
