haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
