Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
