distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
