my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
