I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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