i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
