I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
