I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
