I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Still dying that you shit outside
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
