Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
