u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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