ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
