it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
