sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
