I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
