Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
