I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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