I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
