Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just googled if crying burns calories
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
