Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
