What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
