we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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