The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
