I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he fucked my hip out of place.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
