rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Please don't give away my fajitas
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
