I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
