youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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