If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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