K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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