im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
