I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
