goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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