May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
