I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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