I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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