I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
