Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
