she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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