I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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