she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
