Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I will pee on everything he values.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
