Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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