Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
